Sharing an e-mail I recieved…

I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last 

person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine

 what has happened on it since it was last washed. 

I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because

lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs

including feces.   

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because

the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose

(although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot) 

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only

imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years. 

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor

of a public bathroom.  Yuck!  

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in

the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every

envelope that needs sealing.   

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same

reason. 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny

Brown)  who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. 

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive

the  $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for

participating in their special e-mail program. 

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking

out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. 

I no longer eat KFC because the ir chickens are actually horrible mutant

freaks with no eyes or feathers. 

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a

water buffalo on a hot day. 

Thanks to you,

 I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I

forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

minutes. 

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can

remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the

car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping

gas.. 

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these

products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God'  on their cans. 

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it cause s cancer. 

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the

microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me

for life. 

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be

pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. 

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a

perfume sample and rob me. 

I no longer receive

 packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually

Al Qaeda in disguise. 

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our

American troops or the Salvation Army. 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a

number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to

Jamaica,Uganda & Singapore and & Uzbekistan . 

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have

their  recipe. 

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown

African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when

it bites my butt. 

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in

the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester

waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. 

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas

companies!

 So....If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the

next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at

5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your

back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because

it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's

ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... 

Have a wonderful day... 

Oh,  and by the way..... 

A German scientist from

 Argentina , after a lengthy study, has

discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their

e-mail with their hand on the mouse. 

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

I have 0 awaiting moderation

The question I guess is do I care?  No.  I am not writing this post so people will comment.  I am writing so those who are far away know I am okay.

In recent news…my step-brother from far, far, away left a comment.  I felt connected somehow because he was there.  He saw it all and I can’t get away from the fact the someone out there was a witness to the horrors of my childhood whether he admits it or not (I don’t know if he does, just saying).

In my life, I am alone (or at least that is how it feels).  My husband is working now and I am left for 8 hours alone contemplating what I shall do with the rest of my life…nothing is coming to mind right away.  So right now, I am posting about nothing, yet everything. 

With God’s grace I may have an opportunity to teach two new karate students.  Who knows if it will work out.  My instructor told me the other day that I needed a catalyst.  Maybe this is it.  All I know is that there a few who take the sport seriously and those who do…do, they don’t think…they do.  So…maybe…this will be my catalyst.

Just maybe…

I have a place, it is my favorite place.  I sit and watch the birds for hours at the MK Nature Center.  There is a gazebo for two and a stream that runs in the middle.  One time, a few years ago in the fall, a deer and her fawn walked in the middle of that stream.  I felt like I had been given a gift.  They stood there cautiously, with me sitting in the gazebo at the very far end hidden by the shrubs.  I didn’t move and they ate and drank without a care in the world.  This day I decided to venture into my spot because I was at a turning point in my life.  Whether to date the man that was to be my husband, or to continue in the single life.

I chose my husband…